Can you tell me what you think , it is a new story but would love to know what you guys think also , put your’s in the comments so i can read to.
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I didn’t read the whole story so I can’t be talking about the plot or anything but I will say that you should add talking animations to the characters every time they talk, some people find it annoying when the characters are talking but their mouth isn’t moving. Another thing the introduction of characters isn’t needed (in my opinion) and it’s honestly the reason why I didn’t even get to the 2nd chapter. Waiting for the pan to get to the other character takes some time and I don’t like that, I’d suggest just zooming/panning on them in 0 seconds. Cutting the sentences in the middle, don’t like that either because it gets confusing. And last thing, try to learn the difference between your and you’re, their, there and they’re, to and too etc.
I’m sorry if I was a bit too harsh, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, I just wanna help <33
I’ll totally read the whole story when I have a little bit more time and I’d be glad to help you with anything, you can always PM me!
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do you know how i can delete the introduction please ?
You really don’t need to, I’d suggest just adding talking animations to the characters instead of them just standing there with text added!
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thank you really appericate it , its my first story so thank you for all the comments will be sorting them out.
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Of course! If you have any questions, you can ask me. I can maybe code parts of your story when you continue it if you want, or just help you with them! I might not be the best at it but I really enjoy it and would love to help.
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Hey Guys i have completely revamped this can you have a look and see what you think 
Any comments will be appericated
Can’t open link on my iPad, I will look it up by searching on episode
thank you let me know what you think
Moved to Share Feedback since you’re looking for story feedback. You can create a thread in Promote Your Story to share stories with other authors 
Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about creating topics, and feel free to PM me if you’ve got questions. 
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Hi guys can you check this out and let me know what you think only been writing for 5 days but its my first story so obviously wont be the best but just need options i think its just the animations on it that might need sorting i think my sentences are to long to talk all way through should i cut them down into different talk if makes sense.
What I noticed:
It’s mainly grammar
Hope this helps
some points I noticed
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you should do new animations on each new line of dialog otherwise the characters are just frozen and their mouths aren’t moving
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random words are capitalised in the middle of a sentence that shouldn’t be
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there should be full stops at the end of sentences and question marks when there are questions.
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‘I’ should be capitalised not lowercase
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Use exclamation marks when characters are showing excitement to each other. E.g. Sarah Lee talking about Georgia Leigh’s outfits.
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at the party it may be more realistic if there were others there partying, like background characters
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I noticed some sentences get cut off in the middle and continued in the next dialog. It’s better to place complete sentences together otherwise it’s a bit confusing
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speech bubbles aren’t directed to the correct people
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doesn’t really make sense how Brad kept biting Georgia over and over as a punishment and then when she woke up the next day she was mad but she wanted him to do it again
- but I don’t know if it’s because they’re vampires and don’t really care
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How do you do multiple people in the background as i struggle with that? x
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thank you for pointing out tho appericate it
Make a few background characters and spot direct them in the back at layer 1 for example, and your main characters will be at layer 10 for example.
Then your characters will be dancing in the background while your main characters are having their conversation.
To spot direct, I usually write: @CHARACTER moves to layer 1, then I preview. Then the character will pop up on screen, then you spot direct them wherever you like! 
If you’re unsure about spot directing there are many guides on the forums and YouTube videos about it 
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Hey, i read all three of the chapters you wrote and this is what i think. 
I hope i don’t come off as rude at all cause i am not trying to be i want your story to improve.
My 100% honest opinion
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Plot
I could not understand the plot at all. I usually am really good at getting it but i could not understand it. Not like in a cool plot twit way just in a way that like you did not plan out your story at all or enough. -
Characters
You made a whole chapter to get to know the characters and i really didn’t. They don’t have much personality to be honest with you. But that’s just my opinion. -
Grammar and sentences
You cut of the dialog by doing it
Like this.
It should be on one line. I can not say much about the grammar cause english is not my first language.
Also you can not put Cuss words without a sensor there has to be a * -
Spot directing
I think the spot directing needs work.
But hey i never posted my first story cause it sucks it was way worse then this i could not even make it to chapter 2
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nah all critism is good as will make me improve to be honest was just mucking about to get used to the codes so hopefully my next one will be better
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Ok so i took you’re guys advice on board and started a new one and i think its got alot better
let me know
Maybe you should add a cover! (I think that’s what it’s called, sorry English isn’t my first language!)
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i dont know how to do a cover lol x